I’m a hater. I hate rules. These aren’t rules. These are just principles that helped me write and publish a book. You might just as quickly dismiss this as I do with rules. I don’t know.
When I first started writing I thought I was great. I THOUGHT I WAS GOD’S GIFT TO EARTH. I just puked in my mouth. I was atrocious. Complete shit. Blech.
But I got better. Only because I became chaotically obsessed with putting pen to paper. It became my existence. I missed life: Weddings, family events, rent, meals. A lot of people hated me. I lost friends—made new ones. Lost opportunities—created new ones. The ole “One door closes, another opens” cliché. I thrive in that hallway between those two doors.
I’m not implying that I “suffered” for my art because I didn’t. I just chose myself every day. When you choose yourself, not everyone will like it. Some people think I’m an asshole, and they might be right. But by making it about myself, I learned how to make it about others. At least in my writing.
Here’s the thing; by missing my old life, I was creating a new life. I suppose they call that a sacrifice or something. Writing doesn’t have to be that way, though. It doesn’t have to be some 10,000 Hour Rule to master, live in squalor, eat canned beans, wash your ass in the shower because you can’t afford toilet paper kind of journey. Just because I lived that way doesn’t mean anyone else has to. I would highly advise against it. But what do I know?
Not to say writing a book is an easy task—it takes a shitload of work, persistence, courage, and sacrifice, but anyone can do it. Everyone should do it. I TRULY believe that. Some writers, the ones draped and drenched in literary pretension will argue against that fact — “YOU MUST DIE FOR YOUR CRAFT. YOU MUST CRAWL THROUGH BROKEN GLASS AND RUSTY SYRINGES IN THE FIERY DEPTHS OF HELL TO TELL YOUR STORY. BLAH!”
That’s nonsense! Don’t listen to them. What good will dying and being banished to hell do for your writing?
All that said, we’re all natural-born storytellers. I believe we were put on this earth to tell stories. A book is a great way to tell yours.
So, let me demystify the what-seems-fucking-daunting process that is writing a (non-fiction) book, through shit that I’ve learned throughout my journey. Principles I wish I had known much earlier. It would’ve saved me a plethora of panic attacks, crying myself to sleep night after night, and total emotional breakdowns.
I have read and been given a lot of absolutely complex writing advice. Most of which I have ignored. So don’t listen to me. This is just what helped me.
a) Find your audience:
Your audience is NOT everyone. The Bible is the best-selling book of all time. Really think about that if you assume your book is for everyone. The smaller your audience, the better.
Narrow down your audience. Who’s the precise person your book is catered to? Create a backstory for the exact person who would love your book. Write as if you’re speaking to them. How will they then describe this book to their friend at the bar or coffee shop?
What pain are they in? You ARE the expert in this field, and you can help resolve their issues. Make it about the reader, why do they care about what you’re saying? How will they benefit after reading your book?
I learned this lesson the hard way by making it all about Liam. ME ME ME. Through grandiose, narcissistic, self-indulgent bullshit. It was all ego and vanity. No one gave a fuck. It hurt, but I learned to make my writing about my reader and instead of licking my wounds, I help bandage others’.
Look, no one really cares about your complaints or grievances. Let’s be honest. So, write for yourself and edit for your audience. It can be like walking on a literary tightrope, sure. Try putting yourself in their shoes—what would YOU want to read?
b) Provide value:
Think about why you go to your favourite restaurant. It could be because the food or drinks are bomb. Or it has a great ambiance. Maybe the serving staff are hot. Whatever the reason is, these places provide value for you. The most valuable currency we have is time. Miles more valuable than money. You can always get your money back, you can never get your time back. Read that again. Or don’t because that is time you’ll never get back.
Figure out what value your book provides and who will find value in it. That also helps with finding your audience. Again, not every restaurant is for everyone. Everything in life is subjective.
c) Include the audience:
“Feels like the author is speaking directly to you over a drink – or five.”
That’s an Amazon review I got from my book. I include my audience and personally engage with my readers. Asking them questions keeps them focused and in the moment. You won’t lose them that way. And it keeps things fun. We like having fun.
You have to know who you’re talking to, though. You know what questions to ask your friends, right? This goes back to finding your audience, which is why I narrow down my audience to just one person when I write each story. If I make it as if I’m speaking to a close friend, it becomes conversational and intimate, thus more personal, which in turn is why I write in the same voice that I talk in.
I also break grammatical rules, to make it as if you’re in the scene hanging out with me. We’re having a beer. You’re my buddy. You don’t have to break the rules, it’s just what works for me.
d) Be honest:
Everyone lies. We lie to get ahead, to be liked, to not look dumb, to avoid trouble. There’s a certain courage in always telling the truth. It’s a courage to be disliked. And it’s not easy. I tell the truth in my stories and some people fucking HATE it! The best comedians talk about what everyone thinks but never say. So I write about topics that people experience or think about but keep secret. My secrets bleed onto every page I write. I’m always naked and exposed when I write. That’s honesty at its core.
There’s a fable called “The Emperor’s New Clothes.” These two scammers convince the vain emperor to buy invisible clothing. Clothing that only the smartest and most important people can see. So the emperor says he can see the clothing and the entire court acts according to the emperor's delusion. The emperor then goes on a parade, completely naked. The entire town stays quiet because no one wants to be the one to out the emperor. Eventually, a kid calls out, “Why is the emperor naked?” Then everyone snaps out of the delusion, realizing what they’re doing, soon after agreeing with the kid.
That was the modern-day interpretation of it. In the original fable, they kill that kid. Because people living in a delusion would rather stay there than hear the truth, as it helps uphold their social status. Most people would rather be a part of the crowd in that fable because they don’t want to be socially killed. I deeply understand that, I do. I’ve been there. But I would rather be rejected from society and socially boycotted than be silenced and not speak my truth. Fuck that. That to me is death. So call out the naked emperor, no one else will! YOU WILL, THOUGH.
e) Be original:
There’s nothing new under the sun. So, the only way to be original is to speak honestly and authentically. Honesty breeds vulnerability. Vulnerability breeds relatability and so on. Every story is unique to the person who lived it, and if you tell that story authentically, that’s originality. BAM. At the end of the day, we all want to relate, feel heard, and be loved. Your audience will connect with you. And they will love you, or be intrigued at the very least. You can’t have love without connection first. Honesty+vulnerability= Originality. You don’t have to be better than anyone, just be the only one.
f) Strong beliefs:
If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for everything. The stronger your belief on a subject, the more honest your writing becomes and the more your audience will connect. No one wants to read something you hardly believe in. You know what they call something you don’t feel like doing? A chore. Who the fuck likes chores. People will stop reading.
g) The laugh and cry method:
Make them laugh until they cry. And cry until they laugh.
I’m always on the verge of laughter. An adult on average laughs 5 times a day. A child on average laughs 300 times a day. I’m a child and laugh probably 100 times a day, but I’m a strange cat.
I cried during Grandma’s Boy, Me, Myself & Irene, and Old School. I was laughing so hard that I cried. I think I peed myself during Grandma’s Boy.
I’m always on the verge of tears. I’m a huge pussy. It’s humiliating. I cried during Bambi, Free Willy, and The Mighty Ducks 2. Then I laughed. I’m not sure why I laughed. Maybe you’re a physiological psychologist and can tell me why I laugh after I cry. But I typically do.
The best feeling in the world (after an orgasm) is laughter. Crying (like masturbation) releases that feel feel good good hormone known as dopamine.
My dad once said he wants to see a person’s soul when he reads their work. Which is why AI can’t compete with real stories people have lived. AI have no soul—they can’t laugh, they can’t cry. They provide immeasurable value in a lot of ways, sure. But AI only works to the edge of knowledge. It’s like comparing robotic book smarts to street smarts. I’d first seek advice from the expert who lived it, not from the expert who read about it.
There’s no magic formula on how to make people laugh or cry in your writing. Exposing your soul is a starting point.
And if you can laugh and cry—your audience will too.
h) Fucking play:
When I was a kid I would call up my buddy, Sean MacCarl, and ask him if he wanted to play. At some stage, I think around 10, it turned into, “Do you wanna do something?” You get to a certain age where you lose your innocence. Kind of like how the amount you laugh is diminished to practically nothing when you get older. Why do we have to do something? I just want to play with people and laugh. Keeps me young and happy. We always do something. Life is stressful enough. Let’s stop doing things and play.
So how do you play? Have fun as you write, write simply, and fucking laugh. The number of times I’ve cackled like a maniac to the point of hyperventilating while I’ve written, or smiled ear-to-ear is astounding. Not that my writing is the funniest, but I try and have as much fun as possible. And the most entertaining books I’ve read have been contagious. I feel like I’m playing.
i) Tell stories:
The most effective way to connect with someone is through a story. Humans crave stories, which is why standup comedy, movies, and books will always have huge audiences. Everything begins with a story.
Every time I want to rant or preach a subject, I tell a story first—the more personal, the better. I brought this concept into writing. Which is why I only really write about my life. If you’re writing autobiographically, the formula is comedically simple:
1) What honestly happened? 2) How did you feel about it?
Yes, it’s that easy. Keep asking yourself those two questions as you go. Always ask questions.
If you’re writing a knowledge share book, you’re the master on this subject. Incorporate real stories from your life. Start each chapter with a story. Your audience will connect to that frequency. Don’t bore them too much with scientific facts. Snoozeville USA.
j) Start strong:
The beginning is the hook, encouraging the reader to keep reading. Engage right from the first sentence. If the first sentence is dope, I’m going to keep reading to the second sentence, then the third, and so on. Then suddenly, without realizing it, I’m at the end of the page! Gosh, this book sure is captivating!
k) Finish stronger:
As a rule of thumb, the end of each chapter should make the reader want to turn the page and start the next chapter. Everyone loves a cliffhanger, have you seen The O.C.!? That show slaps harder than Will Smith. Give each page substance, make it more important than scrolling on IG. At the end of each story, I always ask myself, “How can I make it so my reader doesn’t close my book and open up TikTok.” I fucking love TikTok. Ugh.
People will always remember the ending of the book. The last story, paragraph, or line. End with a fucking meteor hitting your audience. One that will have people talking and sharing. David Fincher style. BAM. I DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING. WOAH.
l) Fuck your inner demons:
Everyone has demons. Most don’t address them. I spent years ducking and dodging them, instead turning to my vices to distract myself and escape. I still do, but I’ve learned to address them.
So this is what I do: I have a shot of tequila with the demon in question, and then we engage in consensual sex. I say consensual because you need to write from a scar, not an open wound. If the wound is still open your audience becomes your therapist. A scar makes the audience your friend or pupil. DANIEL-SAN, WAX ON, WAX OFF.
If something feels uncomfortable to write about, WRITE ABOUT IT. The anxiety and fear mean it’s something worth saying. It’s really fucking hard and I get why some people don’t do it. I’m currently on the frontline of it. You get ostracized, harshly judged, and at times treated like a damn leper. If they hate it it’s because you’re speaking a truth they don’t like, and they’re scared. You’re challenging a belief of theirs and standing up for something. Their status is threatened and people will fight tooth and nail to reinforce their identity. Fuck them if they get mad. The people of importance, the ones who actually matter; your audience, will either relate to it or find value in it. That’s all that matters. The great James Altucher says, “I don’t hit publish unless I’m afraid.”
I’m scared of everything I post.
My inner demons are my fuck buddies. Hey u up?
m) Write:
Sounds basic. Because it is. 300 words a day, 5 days a week, is 1,500 words a week. That is 78,000 words a year. BOOM. You got a book, motherfucker.
C’mon. You write more than 300 words on the shitter while texting your friend, bitching about your lackluster sex life (ask me how I know).
Write as if the journey is the goal. Get lost. The journey starts when you get lost. My old man once told me, “Focusing on the destination and not each step on how to reach it, will cause you to lose balance.”
It’s nearly impossible to not fantasize about the final destination, but it’s only a creative cock-block, believe me. Get lost early. Enjoy the journey.
You started? You fucking did it! You already achieved the goal. Now finish. AHHH. That makes me hard. Gospel truth.
I want you to feel the same way I did after I hit publish with my first book. Because a book is the new university degree. Because I love you.
Remember—I crawled (because I was fucking hammered), so you could sprint. Keep going, you got this shit.
Warmly, Liam.
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