How I Wrote a Book (13 Simple Things I Did)
I’m a hater. I hate rules. These aren’t rules. These are just principles that helped me write and publish a book. You might just as...
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Carpe Liam
10,000 Hours of F#cking Up
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". My name is Liam and I have spent my entire life repeating the same mistakes time and time again. Always finding the humour and choosing to romanticize them instead of learning from them. If you are like me and have turned f#cking up into an artform, I feel your pain more than you know and I am here for you. I hope you can learn through my stories and pain, lord knows someone has to.
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Eyes Are a Window to The Stall:
Emmet and I are walking through the Eaton Centre—Toronto’s biggest mall—still drunk from the night before, when I notice a bulge in the...
Tinder Saves Liam From Being Homeless the First Time:
My dad raised 4 kids on his own on a salary of $25,000. And to say I was an easy kid to raise would be like saying Jared Fogle of the...
Caribou Lou and the Destruction of Neutron's Basement:
Alcoholism doesn’t run in my family, it fucking sprints. Picture Usain Bolt running the 100-metre dash at the Summer Olympics, as his...
The One Where Liam Finds His Perfect MILF
The unique, culminated beauty they possess is only rivalled by their unblemished sex appeal. The elegance of their walk as they nearly...
Liam F#cks His Inner Demon
Let’s talk about sex for a minute here... There aren’t many things that I enjoy more than getting drunk, connecting with someone dope and...
Triggering Root Canal - The Uncontrolled Erection:
If you’re a guy you know the horrors of what I call, The “Uncontrolled Erection.” Or simply, The “U.E.” Not to be confused with The...
Liam Goes to the Doctors:
"I drop my pants and fuck me, man, all that's visible are my testicles. My penis is so small it looks like a child lounging on a fucking...
The Time I Woke up in a Random House Wearing Women’s Clothing:
"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY PEN, DAD!?" I had constant night terrors as a kid. There were times where I would find myself naked in the kitchen...
Quitting Cold Jerky:
“When I come to, it is pitch black and I am lying on the ground with my sweatpants around my ankles, foaming at the mouth and cranking it...
Is That a Used Condom in Your Vagina!?
For a long time I had been living with this paranoia that I would be adulting bareback and when I pull out to finish, attached to the tip...
Liam Does Las Vegas: (Tradeshow Part 1)
Motherfucking Vegas, baby! Simply put, Las Vegas is so full of sin and filth that it makes me look like a devout, door-to-door Mormon...
Liam Loses His Virginity to 50 Cent - Humiliation Ensues:
To say I was a disoriented tourist in the bedroom would be a disastrous understatement. I was constantly lost, bumping into the wrong...
The One Where Liam Auditions for the Bachelorette Canada
“I can’t remember if this is for soft, or hardcore porn? In either case, the audition is clothing optional, right?” I say as I slowly...
The Power of (False) Positive Thinking.
During our teenage years, my sister dated this guy we’ll call “B-Rabbit,” for 5 years. He was a small-time criminal, low-key drug addict...
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